The Panther is back with another good album, although not as captivating as their previous ones.
After three long years waiting for more profanity, boobs, pussy and especially good heavy music, American Heavy Metal/Hard Rock band Steel Panther is finally back with their third full-length album, the good All You Can Eat. And that’s the main issue with this album: it’s only good, not awesome, and very few songs are truly exciting or memorable.
Of course we were not expecting anything so fuckin’ awesome such as the classics Death To All But Metal, The Shocker, Asian Hooker, Tomorrow Night or Gold-Digging Whore, not even that the whole album was as original as Feel The Steel and Balls Out, but the lack of punch and the annoying repetition of most of the choruses make me wonder if the band was feeling “tired” while recording All You Can Eat, and even if they recorded it only as an excuse for more touring and selling more merchandise.
However, the “Fanthers” don’t need to get too worried about it, as the Panther’s main characteristics are still there keeping the album at a good level: their talent as musicians continues to be impeccable, especially Michael Starr’s voice, and their lyrics full of profanity and obscenity give the album that special touch that makes us laugh while listening to it in our cars even during a snow storm or a traffic jam. Moreover, another positive thing in the album is the addition of some elements from Blues and Thrash Metal, giving some tracks an extra dose of originality.
And the album starts in a very promising way with the heavy and funny (and undoubtedly one of the best of all tracks) Pussywhipped, with its “epic” intro and amazing riffs and drums, and Party Like Tomorrow is the End of the World, the album’s first single with inspiring lyrics (“Have sex (yeah!) / With every female of the species he say / The end is near (yeah!) / So don’t you worry about the HIV”) and a video (see below) that cannot be described with words. Well, if I do so, this website will probably be banned due to censorship.
Then we have the amazing Gloryhole, which is exactly what we want to listen to when the band is Steel Panther: it’s by far the most Hard Rock of all tracks, with Michael Starr at his best, and it’s impossible not to sing along with the lyrics (“I don’t wanna know / Who will suck my cock tonight”). The following two tracks are totally forgettable songs called Bukkake Tears, which is not a bad ballad but at the same time nothing really exciting, and Gangbang at the Old Folks Home, with a chorus so repetitive it’s really hard to listen to the entire song. Fortunately after that torture the Panther redeem themselves with the excellent mix of Hard Rock and Blues from Ten Strikes You’re Out, which not only has the best instrumental of all but also awesome lyrics.
That’s when all problems really start in All You Can Eat, as the rest of album is pretty much filler and there’s actually nothing we’ll be eager to see them playing live: The Burden of Being Wonderful might have its funny lyrics, but it’s a horrible song overall; Fucking My Heart in the Ass might have a very funny name, but the lyrics are way too repetitive (how many times does he have to say “fucking my heart in the ass”?) and the riffs are too generic; although B.V.S. has a very good riff by Satchel, the lyrics are way too silly (“Big Vagina Syndrome is becoming a common disease / Ladies that have this affliction are never easy to please”? Was that really necessary?); You’re Beautiful When You Don’t Talk is another ballad inspired by some 80’s mellow classics that doesn’t work at all; If I Was the King is more Stoner and has some good moments, but it’s a bit tiring after a couple of minutes; and last but not least, She’s on the Rag is a very generic song that, after the classics Girl From Oklahoma (from Feel The Steel) and Weenie Ride (from Balls Out), makes the ending of the album really disappointing. Where’s that traditional love/sexist ballad to end the album in a magnificent way?
Finally, if there’s one thing that really stands out in All You Can Eat is the album art: it’s just perfect, a true masterpiece, and a serious contender for “Best Album Art of the Year”. In my opinion, only Mel Brooks’ all-time classic History of the World: Part I and the testosterone-fueled movie The Expendables 2 were capable of recreating the Last Supper more brilliantly than the Panther. But as what really matters is the music itself, that doesn’t make All You Can Eat a must-have album in the end. In other words, it’s good, but not what we really wanted to eat.
Best moments of the album: Pussywhipped, Gloryhole and Ten Strikes You’re Out.
Worst moments of the album: Gangbang at the Old Folks Home, The Burden of Being Wonderful, Fucking My Heart in the Ass and She’s on the Rag.
Released in 2014 Kobalt Label Services
1. Pussywhipped 4:37
2. Party Like Tomorrow is the End of the World 4:01
3. Gloryhole 4:32
4. Bukkake Tears 4:47
5. Gangbang at the Old Folks Home 3:47
6. Ten Strikes You’re Out 3:24
7. The Burden of Being Wonderful 3:29
8. Fucking My Heart in the Ass 4:14
9. B.V.S. 3:57
10. You’re Beautiful When You Don’t Talk 3:49
11. If I Was the King 3:42
12. She’s on the Rag 3:50
Michael Starr – lead vocals
Satchel – lead, rhythm and acoustic guitars
Lexxi Foxxx – bass guitar
Stix Zadinia – drums, percussion, piano